Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
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I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
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Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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