he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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