The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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