Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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