I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize