What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize