dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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