we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
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Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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