Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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