do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
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So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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