Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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