Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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