I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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