i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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