I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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