people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
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Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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