they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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