I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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