dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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