Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize