I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize