Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
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Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
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Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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