do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
love makes seman taste better
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
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At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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