I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm getting married
To pizza
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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