I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize