But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
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I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
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Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize