Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize