Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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