I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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