Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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