Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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