we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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