I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
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i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize