EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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