I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
thus making me awesome and them whores
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize