I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize