awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
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You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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