Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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