I cannot find my penis.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize