we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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