kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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