Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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