I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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