update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
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I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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