I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize