youre lurking in front of me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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