i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
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Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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