I wish I could teleport
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i need some magic done to my vagina
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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