Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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