We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
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I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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